Beat Happening and the Teenage Spirit

By Carter Davis

August 20th, 1991, was the opening night of the inaugural International Pop Underground Convention in Olympia, Washington. Once called “the culmination of years of alternative fandom united,” the event was conceived by local Calvin Johnson. What made this particular night special, besides being the first of a music festival that would set the standard for similar indie rock events to come, was that Johnson declared it a “Girls Night”. At this event, the Riot Grrrls, a recently established group of musicians who discussed political and social issues and feminist philosophy, took the stage. Acts such as Bikini Kill, Bratmobile, and Heavens to Betsy graced the largest stage of any of their careers thus far on this night. Many of these young bands requested early spots so that they could return home by the curfews set by their unsuspecting parents.

While the women themselves were the driving force behind the unforgiving political assertiveness behind their songs, Johnson used his influence as an indie culture hero to spread the word that these women were making incredible music, as well. He also crossed into their scene more directly: Johnson was in a short-lived band called The Go Team with a 15-year-old Tobi Vail (who would go on to drum in Bikini Kill). In addition to his promotion of these groundbreaking up-and-coming musicians, though, he was also creating a brand of music all his own that was just as revolutionary.

Speaking about his emergence in the Olympia punk scene as a young college student at the Evergreen State College, Johnson declared that his favorite music was made by those who had “love in their hearts, that beautiful teenage spirit. No matter how young or old they actually are”. If there is one constant factor throughout Johnson’s 30-year output, it would be this particular “teenage spirit”. When Beat Happening (Johnson’s band with fellow Olympians Bret Lunsford and Heather Lewis) released its eponymous debut album in 1985 on Johnson’s homespun K Records label, it was a jolt to the punk culture they deemed themselves a part of. Consisting of sparse instrumentation, dirt-cheap recording, and Johnson’s unmistakable baritone wail, the record was far from any “punk rock” that had been made prior. And yet, it achieved the same level of angst, aggression, and desperation present on the classic hardcore records that came before it.

Rather than achieve radicalism through instrumentation and pace, Beat Happening did it through lyrics and subject matter that portrayed a gritty, authentic, and heartbreaking yearning for affection. Lyrics such as “grab your favorite book and read your favorite part, and I’ll lay my head upon your lap” seem overtly childish at first, but when sung by the melancholic Johnson, pleas for romance turn into statements about the powerful simplicity of intimacy. A certain cynicism pervades his songs as well: “I had sex on Christmas, I had sex three times today, three different women taught me how to be bored in their own separate, sweet little ways”. When listening to Beat Happening, one thing is clear: they are not putting on a show. They are not making music that aims to be sensitive, emotional, or affecting in profound ways. Rather, they are brutally honest in describing the feelings associated with falling in or out of love. While most bands before would find this sickeningly coy, Beat Happening broke new ground by being the band with nothing to hide. Music made by real, humble people who go through the same cyclical and often mundane feelings of love, lust, and emptiness as their audience.

The abrasive moaning of Johnson is complimented by the more gentle Heather Lewis. However, her songs carry just as much bite: “you like the kinds of people I’d never need, like the foggy eyes walking down the street”. Guitarist Bret Lunsford has spoken at length about his stage fright simply playing his instrument, and so he never took a turn at vocals. Beat Happening’s discography evolved significantly with each album, although they never lost their remarkable innocence in the face of additional instrumentation and more complex arrangements. 1989’s Black Candy was thematically tied to some kind of perverse teenage slasher flick with songs such as “Gravedigger Blues” and “Pajama Party in a Haunted Hive”. Johnson’s contrasting lyrics of innocence and sex reached an extreme in “Playhouse”: “I got a playhouse so let’s stop, we won’t argue and we won’t talk, we’ll just take off all our clothes, in my playhouse that’s how it goes”. With each subsequent release, Beat Happening gained new followers as well as critical acclaim. However, they were never aiming for the mainstream recognition that so many indie bands like them achieved. After all, K Record’s motto was “exploding the teenage underground into passionate revolt against the corporate ogre”.

By the time of 1992’s You Turn Me On, Beat Happening was still playing small clubs and college towns. But, they had decided that this would be their last album as a group. Johnson found himself busier than ever at K Records (newcomer Beck Hansen was working on his seminal One Foot in the Grave there) while Heather and Bret desired to pursue other careers, exhausted from touring. With You Turn Me On, the band ended its career on the highest and most poignant note possible. Shimmering guitar textures are just as high in the mix as Calvin and Heather’s vocals, and the album also features the duo’s first vocal interplay (it was well worth the wait). The lyrical content is extremely melancholic: “so many locks and keys and chains shield you, two hearts crash inside against, when the suffering does commence”. With the addition of more traditional rock instrumentation, Beat Happening is able to create something they never have before: anthems. What were once sparse songs of one man’s sorrow now feel more like exuberant sing-alongs. The suppressed grittiness of the first albums is long gone. The band has been validated, and recognizes that their audience has been so able to connect with the emotional rawness all along. Now they are able to sing louder and more confidently than ever. What we are left with is truly a masterpiece.

It is important to keep in mind how much resistance Beat Happening faced over the course of  its career. On a night they were sharing the bill with Black Flag, famously temperamental frontman Henry Rollins found himself very put off and confused by the innocence of a band which he had thought was just another punk group. Agitated at Johnson and his childlike demeanor, Rollins tried to provoke him by reaching for his crotch. Johnson replied: “didn’t your mother teach you any manners?”. Beat Happening proved that physical intimidation and a threatening presence were not necessary to be an affecting punk band. Rather, they achieved their edge by being extremely vulnerable and true to their “teenage hearts”. While the band itself may be long gone, their legacy still stands. And to a stumbling teenager of any age, the songs feel as fresh, relevant, and necessary as ever.

Those interested in reading more about the history of Beat Happening or Johnson’s influential K Records should turn to Michael Azerrad’s Our Band Could Be Your Life or Mark Baumgarten’s Love Rock Revolution: K Records and the Rise of Independent Music.

Carter Davis is an artist based in NYC. Check out his art here


Interview with Allison Wolfe

By Danielle Eisenman                  

Allison Wolfe is considered to be one of pioneers of the Riot Grrrl movement. Raised in Olympia, Washington, Allison created the influential zine Girl Germs with Molly Neuman, with whom she later formed the band Bratmobile. Allison has since recorded a number of albums and singles with other bands, notably the Washington D.C. based Partyline. She also initiated Ladyfest, a music and arts festival for female artists.

Danielle Eisenman: I’ve done some feminist-y stuff like writing a few songs and poems myself. I’m fond

 of the whole “Olympia” way—that you got to experience in your young adulthood—of doing stuff 

for fun, not really having to be like, you know—

Allison Wolfe: To be a professional.

DE: Yeah.

AW: Yeah, I’m very fortunate for growing up in

 that town– a small, liberal-arts focused college town with the history of interesting people and artists and women trying to be doing things. A lot of people 

would just kind of perform, or read a story at parties, and there would be parties 

with themes where people were supposed to stand up and do a quick performance. And there

 was never any approach for it to be professional sounding or skilled in any certain way. Just the idea that anyone can and should be creative and should have something to say, and that it

 can sound interesting and cool or whatever and not have to be super skilled… I think I was very 

fortunate to have been immersed in that community. Otherwise I don’t think I would have 

thought that I could be in a band, or that I could actually do anything around something that I was 

very amateur at. It supported amateur creativity.

DE: Revolutionary bands like Bratmobile, Bikini Kill, Bangs, or just any other Riot Grrrl band

hold a very important place in my heart and mind, and I feel it should be the same for everyone!

AW: Aw!

DE: How did the punk message relate to Riot Grrrl?

AW: Yeah, punk rock had a lot to do with– how we (Riot Grrrls) saw the world with

 our politics and our daily beliefs and things. I think at the time we were very politicized and

 thought that politics and the political aspects of music were important to us. And I think a lot of 

us come from a punk rock history. And I think that that sort of history of punk is really bringing 

down the barriers, tearing down the walls, and confronting authority, and looking for a world 

that is more based on equality. That is what everyone was always taught growing 

up, that everyone is equal and blah, blah, blah. But when you grow up and look 

around, you can see that no one’s equal. No one’s treated equal and no one has been given 

equal qualities in life. We live in a very higher-optical society. And a lot of that is the problem of 

corporate capitalism. I don’t know, I think that these days, it’s hard to be, I mean, I am older, and 

not as involved in the music scene as I used to be, but I still go to see bands play, and 

sometimes I still play myself. But I haven’t lately. I don’t really see that there are 

very many bands now, in general, that are coed or all girl bands who are very political.

DE: There are a lot of “modern rock” boy bands that are good for nothing but easy listening, and 

not that many really political bands; male or female. It’s disappointing.

AW: Not much. There is a cool girl that I know named Karen who puts on shows

 that are very decidedly feminist. She’s really cool. I think her organization that she runs

 is called “Strength and Numbers.” You should be able to Google that; just “Strength and

Numbers.” She’s

 very feminist and very confident about it. She really goes for having events that are more

 politicized in an outward way, you know. But you’re right. It is disappointing and I feel disappointed,

 about that too. I just don’t see anything going on. Even though there are a lot of bands now 

and they sound pretty, they just don’t—they’re not very political and it’s been going on for a

while. I think there was a huge political backlash in late 1990’s after Riot Grrrl had ‘come and gone’ after Grunge and everything. Everyone had started trying to be 

un-political. But then we had had eight years of the Bush administration. They were 

horrible times, really. They were being really conservative and really hard on a lot of people. I 

feel like people should have been screaming on the streets and doing a lot more. I mean there

 were a few massive protests, but it just never felt like enough. I feel like the punk rock and

alternative music communities should have stepped up and spoken out more. 

There weren’t any overtly political bands during the first eight years, you know during 2000 

to 2008. I suppose now, with Obama, people think that they can just do what they want, but

Republicans are taking over Congress. Before, they had at least eight years to do whatever 

they wanted and they were completely un–apologetic about it. Why should we work with them

 now? They just want to take away all of our rights as citizens. And human rights as well. I just

 think the music scene should talk about these issues and be more confrontational.

DE: I’ve gone around at school asking people what they thought about feminism. Usually, their first reply is “What’s a feminist?” Yes, it’s just a name, a label, whatever. But I still feel it’s a pretty basic thing 

that people just don’t address. Usually, with boys I talk to, they come up with the worst excuses. Somebody that

 I asked replied with, “Girls have all of the rights they need! You know what they can do that men

 can’t? They can give the gift of life!”

AW: Well, people who don’t see what we (girls) do are always going to say something like that.

They just don’t understand. They have no clue what being a girl in society is like at all. People who haven’t had to live it or experience it are often completely ignorant about what it might 

feel like, and the privileges he has, he thinks are just normal and everyone has that. But, I think 

people who are privileged are blind. They don’t see how other people experience the world.

Unfortunately, this society will never make men learn what it’s like to be a woman. It won’t be

 able to make white people know what it feels like to be a person of color. Or, rich people won’t

 know what it’s like to be poor. The list goes on and on…

DE: Most boys don’t have the normal, everyday worries that us girls do. They don’t hear the

 voices in their heads telling them “You’re not strong enough to do this!” or, “You can’t learn this!”

or, “You’re not worthy enough!”

AW: It’s also just that, the professors of our society get more subtle impressions and get 

the more obvious things from our past, but that’s not really the problem. The thing that

 people don’t think about is that even though women are seen as somewhat equal and are

 populated in equal numbers, we still aren’t paid as much as men for any job. It really can’t

 be argued. Women just really aren’t paid as much as men. We don’t have equal

 economic power. And, on top of that, women are still raised in this traditional role where we

 are exposed to unfairness in the media. We are told that our bodies are our selling points and 

having to look a certain way is the most important thing. And even if our

 parents try hard not to raise us that way, TV, ads, and billboards… everything

 still points to basically the explanations of women’s bodies. Half the women you see in the

 media are women half-clothed, whereas men are mostly fully clothed. And that’s difficult, you know?

 That is why it is not equal: the images are not equal. And on TV, it’s always the woman’s dead

 body that starts the story– it’s never men. Women always end up murdered by their 
husbands, boyfriends and ex-boyfriends. Domestic violence is a huge issue. But

 no one ever wants to realize it, or talk about it. You know, it’s

just like, God! And you just have to deal with all of it.

DE: My mom works in an office where she is the only woman. She says that there’s a HUGE

 difference between the way she’s treated and the way her male co-workers are treated. What 

do you have to say about that?

AW: It’s similar with women in music. More and more, you have women in bands, but you still 

don’t have a lot of all-girl bands. And the bands which are mixed genders tend to be received better and get more airplay. They are taken more seriously.

 Their musical abilities aren’t as questioned as much. With all-girl bands 
it tends to be more that if people think they’re good they’ll just act all surprised,
 and be like “Oh wow! She can actually play guitar!” They never say that about men. And 

I’ve seen so many bad boy-bands who are bad in so many different ways. Whether it’s either

 performance, or the lyrics, or their skill, or whatever, and they play every night at 

every bar, or every club. And no one ever sits there going “Oh wow, they are such a bad band,”

or “I’m surprised that he can actually play the drums.” But, girls in music are always talked about 

in that way. Because no one can believe that they can actually do something.

DE: My mom has always shied away from the term “feminist.” It’s like feminism has been

 somehow passed off as man-hate, or wanting to be a man.

AW: Well, some people have that idea, but I think that if you just look at the study of feminism,

 you would quickly find out that that’s not the truth. I think that the only reason 

reason it could be called man hating is because men feel threatened by it, so they 

call it man hate. I think that if a man feels threatened by feminism they probably have a sexism 

problem and maybe he should check himself out, you know? I just feel that to reject feminism is to kind of reject yourself. It’s almost like self hate. We live in a society that encourages 

that. It encourages people to second guess themselves and to hate themselves and to fight against 

each other. We are taught that we must all compete for that one position, that space

 available for only one of us. Men are given all of the room in the world. They’re always 

taught that the world is for them, that the world is their oyster and there’s room for all of them,

you know? But women are always confined in space and we’re told to fight against each other

 and to compete because there is not enough room for all of us.

DE: I heard that being a Riot Grrrl had a lot of downsides and the live shows were pretty violent,

at least for Bikini Kill. It seems like any band with powerful women would have problems, like

 Hole, for instance. Was that true with Bratmobile, too?

AW: I heard about some violence and stuff at Bikini Kill shows. It wasn’t Bikini Kill’s fault, and

 they certainly did not instigate the violence at their shows. It was usually men having a very 

strong reaction to Kathleen Hanna’s confrontational lyrics. Unfortunately, a lot of people reacted

 negatively to that. I think it wasn’t any more violent than it is out there in the world in regular

 society. I think that there are a lot of violent men that are kind of violent all the time, but they 

look for places (like Riot Grrrl shows) to let it out. If they’re going to feel threatened at Bikini Kill

 show, maybe they’ll let it out there. Bratmobile didn’t really have too much trouble with that. I

 mean, I don’t really have great eyesight, and my hearing isn’t too great either, and on stage,

the lights from the club are often pointing directly into your face, so I can’t always see

 what’s going on out there. There probably were some weird things happening, and some guys 

being gross or something, but I wasn’t always aware of it. I was pretty oblivious. The great thing

 about being on stage or being a headstrong Riot Grrrl is that you have the microphone, and 

you have the power to be louder than anyone else. They have to listen to you and you don’t

 really have to listen to them. I didn’t usually witness or see any of that. Although, the second 

show that we ever played was opening up for the Melvins and I know that Kathleen was in the 

audience and she told me that a lot of guys were really bummed that a girl band was 

opening up for the Melvins. And they didn’t get it; whereas, the Melvins loved having a band like 

us. They didn’t like all of these stupid boy bands opening for them anyways. I think their audience

 was a little freaked out by us. Kathleen said that she could hear people yelling in the audience 

that they wanted to kill us. Luckily I didn’t hear any of that at the time.

DE: Did stuff like that do anything to your self-esteem? Did it make you shy away, or want to

 fight back even more?

AW: I think it usually had the effect of making us want to fight more. At first, it’s a little 

disappointing to hear that people don’t like you or your band. But we just thought “Okay, they’re

 really scary, ignorant people,” and yeah, it just made me want to fight back and just be louder,

and more obnoxious. I know one time, when Bratmobile was touring with the Donnas during the first Bush election, if you want to call it an election. 

We were in Dallas, Texas, and I said something against Bush on stage, and afterwards,

our rhodie came up to us who was selling our merch, a little guy, and he said “Hey, a bunch of 

big scary jocks have been coming up to me, yelling about the things you said on stage.” They 

said ‘Hey, this is Bush country and you should tell your singer to shut up,’ and they were really 

threatening him. My response was to just talk more about Bush on stage, and I yanked out a 

pen, blacked out one of my teeth, and I drew a mustache on and just kind of was being crazier.

Often, that is my reaction. I’m just like “Okay, you want to fight?” you know? Not

 that I want to be violent, or anything, I’m sure I would probably get beat up in two seconds if I

 tried to fight, but I believe in being confrontational to our society and that you should always just

 step up the confrontation if people are trying to shut you up when you know that you’re right.

DE: Was there anything you gained from Riot Grrrl? What good things did you get from it?

AW: One thing that was important that I got from Riot Grrrl, and from being in the different bands 

that I was in and writing fanzines, is self-esteem within myself 

and other girls. I think that a lot of girls suffer from self-esteem problems during the middle school

 years. I felt that in my own life. Being in a band and yelling on stage and stuff—it did help with my self-esteem 

and stuff. Riot Grrrl was kind of encouraging more self-esteem in all girls. And it was just kind 

of reminding people, you know, don’t keep it all inside. If you’re feeling really crazy, or if you’re

 feeling like the world is against you, or you really have something to say, you’re not crazy, you’re not wrong, and it’s really just the society that’s messed 

up; not you. Don’t let the society mess you up and make you think that you’re wrong, or that

 you’re a bad person or that you’re insignificant, or you’re not equal, or something, you know? I 

think it’s really important that it was helping girls raise their self-esteem, and it was also a great

 community. We sat around a lot where we had meetings and did activities and talked about 

politics, you know, all sort of politics. It was a really important political awareness time for all of 

us and a community building time. We would network with a bunch of girls and bands all over 

the country and that was before the internet. We were doing that through fan mail.

DE: Did you ever doubt yourself in Riot Grrrl?

AW: Oh yeah! I still doubt myself. Probably less so then because we were at an age where we 

felt like we could take on the world, and we were all in women’s studies 

classes and various political classes in college at the time. We were learning so much, and you

feel so self-righteous when you realize how messed up the world is. We were given all 

of the tools we needed and the words to talk about it in an academic sort of way. So, I think we 

felt pretty righteous in what we were doing and felt that it was important, and it meant the world

 to us. We thought it should mean the world to everyone else, too. I think, in a lot of

ways, we were pretty confident, but we didn’t think that we had all of the answers and we knew 

that there was a lot more to find out. We also knew because of our own personal experiences 

and backgrounds that our experiences were limited. We knew that we could reach out to a lot of

 girls who were sort of alternative minded and in to punk rock music. We didn’t think that what

 we were doing wouldn’t speak to all girls and women in the whole world. I think we just saw 

ourselves as a strain of feminist struggle. You know, one small part, but still an important 

part. I thought that even if we could just change the attitude and the hearts and minds of people

 within our own town, we could beam within our own community, you know?

DE: Is there anything else you want to add?

AW: Just that it was a strain of what people call “Third Wave Feminism,”

 but it was still primarily girls who were in a somewhat punk rock scene. It was really

 just a type of feminism where we were struggling against sexism within the punk rock scene. 

But also, we were interested in academic feminism and often taking classes at universities

 about feminism. But, I think we often felt that sometimes, the language of academic feminism 

didn’t really speak to our lives in a simple, young girl, punk rock sort of way. The thing I think we

 were trying to do with Riot Grrrl was to find (or create) an intersection/cross-section between

 punk and feminism. We felt that the punk rock scene was still somewhat of a boys’ club (sexist,

 as society is) and that the academic feminist world didn’t always speak to our experiences as

 young punk girls. So basically, we wanted to make feminism more punk, while making punk

more feminist. Much academic feminist dialogue seemed to skip the experiences of young

 girls altogether, or to not really validate girls until they come of age as adult women. We also 

believed in reclaiming words, images, portrayals that had often been used against women or

had been seen as sexist, and using those things to confront a sexist society and expose a more 

complicated feminist consciousness. It seemed more realistic and exciting, provocative.

DE: Okay, thank you so much for giving me the chance to interview you! You were the model interviewee!

AW: You’re welcome! No problem!


Riot Grrrl Weekend: Bratmobile- Cherry Bomb

Thanks to Heidi for sending this link!


Riot Grrrl Weekend: The Riot Grrrl Manifesto

Riot Grrrl Weekend has officially begun! To kick off this very exciting weekend, I thought I would post one of the most important riot grrrl documents of all time, the Riot Grrrl Manifesto. The Riot Grrrl Manifesto was published in 1991 in the Bikini Kill zine #2. Bikini Kill was a zine published by the members of the band Bikini Kill.

The Riot Grrrl Manifesto (via Rebel Grrrl):

BECAUSE us girls crave records and books and fanzines that speak to US that WE feel included in and can understand in our own ways.

BECAUSE we wanna make it easier for girls to see/hear each other’s work so that we can share strategies and criticize-applaud each other.

BECAUSE we must take over the means of production in order to create our own moanings.

BECAUSE viewing our work as being connected to our girlfriends-politics-real lives is essential if we are gonna figure out how we are doing impacts, reflects, perpetuates, or DISRUPTS the status quo.

BECAUSE we recognize fantasies of Instant Macho Gun Revolution as impractical lies meant to keep us simply dreaming instead of becoming our dreams AND THUS seek to create revolution in our own lives every single day by envisioning and creating alternatives to the bullshit christian capitalist way of doing things.

BECAUSE we want and need to encourage and be encouraged in the face of all our own insecurities, in the face of beergutboyrock that tells us we can’t play our instruments, in the face of “authorities” who say our bands/zines/etc are the worst in the US and

BECAUSE we don’t wanna assimilate to someone else’s (boy) standards of what is or isn’t.

BECAUSE we are unwilling to falter under claims that we are reactionary “reverse sexists” AND NOT THE TRUEPUNKROCKSOULCRUSADERS THAT WE KNOW we really are.

BECAUSE we know that life is much more than physical survival and are patently aware that the punk rock “you can do anything” idea is crucial to the coming angry grrrl rock revolution which seeks to save the psychic and cultural lives of girls and women everywhere, according to their own terms, not ours.

BECAUSE we are interested in creating non-heirarchical ways of being AND making music, friends, and scenes based on communication + understanding, instead of competition + good/bad categorizations.

BECAUSE doing/reading/seeing/hearing cool things that validate and challenge us can help us gain the strength and sense of community that we need in order to figure out how bullshit like racism, able-bodieism, ageism, speciesism, classism, thinism, sexism, anti-semitism and heterosexism figures in our own lives.

BECAUSE we see fostering and supporting girl scenes and girl artists of all kinds as integral to this process.

BECAUSE we hate capitalism in all its forms and see our main goal as sharing information and staying alive, instead of making profits of being cool according to traditional standards.

BECAUSE we are angry at a society that tells us Girl = Dumb, Girl = Bad, Girl = Weak.

BECAUSE we are unwilling to let our real and valid anger be diffused and/or turned against us via the internalization of sexism as witnessed in girl/girl jealousism and self defeating girltype behaviors.

BECAUSE I believe with my wholeheartmindbody that girls constitute a revolutionary soul force that can, and will change the world for real.


Party Whipped: The Trials and Tribulations of a Teenage Feminist

By Sophie Rae

I think I’ve always been somewhat of a feminist, even if I didn’t know it.

When I started playing in bands when I was 9, I didn’t have any idea that my gender would be an issue. Music was what I loved, and to my Trash and Vaudeville size 00 jeans-wearing self, playing super-distorted covers of Clash songs seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

First gig! Yes, as a matter of fact I DID think I looked cool.

But as we kept playing and as my naiveté began to dwindle (I had reached the age of 12 and my peak of intellectual maturity), I started to notice something weird. In interviews, I was asked to talk not about my music but about my favorite lip gloss flavor or my latest boy-band crush (which all young girls presumably have, I mean, why not?). Sound-men walked me through using a guitar amp as condescendingly as when Emily Gilmore called Luke’s diner “rustic” (Gilmore Girls, anyone?). Apparently, not everyone thought my being a girl was quite as normal as I thought it was.

And it was just as I discovered sexism, that I discovered Riot Grrrl. I knew that there was absolutely no reason that I should be treated any different than a male musician or be judged on a different scale. And that was exactly what the Riot Grrrls were saying. I liked the grinding guitars on Bikini Kill’s Rebel Girl and the manic vocals on Sleater-Kinney’s album The Woods. I liked listening to records with titles so explicit that iTunes felt the need to change them to P***Y Whipped, which my 12-year-old self of course took to stand for “Party Whipped.” Way to go iTunes, mission accomplished. Mostly, I loved the idea that music wasn’t just a guys’ world, but that girls could, and should, be a part of it too.

Kathleen Hanna with Bikini Kill!

But I didn’t really catch on to the Riot Grrrl or feminist community until this year, when my band played the absolute coolest show in the world: a Kathleen Hanna tribute show at the Knitting Factory, which was put on for a documentary being made about the goddess herself.

For the first time, Riot Grrrl wasn’t just me alone in my room jumping around to Bratmobile, it was me as part of a community of people who love the music I love and who believe in what I believe in.

After that show, I ran to the bookstore and bought The Feminine Mystique. I started reading feminist blogs like Feministing and Ms.Magazine. I practically memorized the Riot Grrrl Manifesto. I know “empowered” is such a predictable word to use to describe my reaction to all this stuff, but it’s totally how I felt. Finding out that I am one of many, many women who aren’t ok with sexism and want to DO something about it gave me so much confidence in my ideas and in my ability to act on them.

And I started to wonder, why am I just finding out about this community now? How could this fascinating, incredible world have remained a secret to me for such a long time? I think it’s partly because I was just too wrapped up in my own world of school and my band and stuff.  But mostly, I think it’s because Riot Grrrl and feminism just aren’t part of the current teen-universe (the teen-i-verse as it shall now be referred to). The teen-i-verse is limited, mostly to bad, swoopy-haired boy-bands and pop princesses whining about the swoopy-haired boys; and as a result, lots of teenagers who would be totally inspired and empowered by Riot Grrrl and feminism, just aren’t given that chance.

Why can't boy-bands look like this anymore?

And I know this zine won’t solve the problem; I know this zine won’t give our culture the radical transformation it so desperately needs.

But a grrrl can dream! Right?!